my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
