I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
