i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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