I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
