I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
