trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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