make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So many bounce houses so little time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
