Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so let's talk penis.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
