Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
