Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize