All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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