so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
