oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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