Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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