So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
