im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
