when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
