I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
