I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
