i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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