I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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