my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
