Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
They took my balls.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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