Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
