you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
