Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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