I wanna bring you to show and tell
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You ate ashes out of my bong
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
