Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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