dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
