Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
