He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
