Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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