OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
