you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
