dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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