I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize