I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
