So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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