Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize