its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
