Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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