I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize