so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
