kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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