help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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