it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
