Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
