Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
