i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
