I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
we're so committed to being not committed
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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