Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
