Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
