i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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