I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I accidentally burped into my bong.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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