I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
