Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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