Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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