I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
