Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
