I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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