Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
