New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
