I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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