I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
