I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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