There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
