drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
