Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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