All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
