I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
