How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
