I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
