remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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