Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
