at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
