I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
