Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
