every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
