South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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