That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize