I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
