Will you blow on my dice?
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
