It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
