Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
