Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
