Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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